Controlling Behaviors and Signs You Should Avoid in Relationships

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January 08, 2025

Being in a controlling relationship is never a pleasant experience. However, many people fail to realize that they are in this type of relationship. Some think that a controlling partner is simply being protective, old-fashioned, caring, or jealous.

Unfortunately, having a controlling partner can actually do more harm than good to your relationship. So, how do you know if you or your partner is becoming controlling?

Let's find out.

1.Only One-Sided Communication

To determine if your partner is controlling, you must understand the difference between someone who misses you and wants to communicate and who is controlling.

Someone who misses you and just wants to interact with you will often send you messages and make a phone call when possible. She will also message you when she can and tell you what happened to her day. She also makes time to contact you and check on you and looks forward to meeting you soon.

A controlling partner, on the other hand, will want to tell you every single thing that's happening to her. They will do this because of feeling insecure and scared instead of genuinely wanting to talk with you. In this case, the constant interactions reassure them.

2.Not Giving You Any Personal Time

A caring girlfriend will give you the time you need when you're out with your friends. However, a controlling partner will attempt to contact you more frequently when out with other people. That is because she feels threatened that you are socializing with others at a bar or gathering.

You might misinterpret this controlling action and think that she misses you. Nevertheless, there is a simple way to check if she is controlling. You can send her a message saying you miss her too and asking her to talk later since you're busy.

Most partners will understand this situation and agree. They will be cool with the idea that you're out having fun. However, a controlling partner will feel upset later on when you interact.

3.Using Negative Reinforcement

A controlling partner will attempt to influence you emotionally through negative reinforcement. She will show how upset she is by arguing or fighting with you when you do not give her your full attention. Rather than using negative reinforcement, someone who cares will be direct with you if they have any concerns.

4.Giving You No Time for Loved Ones

You will be affected by negative reinforcement because positive reinforcement follows when a controlling partner is given attention. You get the attention and love you long for in your relationship. As a result, you get the approval and intimacy you want.

However, you will slowly begin to crave the positive reinforcement and avoid the negative reinforcement after having a cycle of positive and negative reinforcement for months or years.

Whenever you try to meet your family and friends, and you cannot give your partner your attention, you know that you will fight later. Therefore, to avoid negative reinforcement, you avoid them gradually. You meet them when you know that it will not cause inconvenience to your partner.

Moreover, you also ensure that your partner is preoccupied with something when you're with your loved ones. Then, you will discover soon that you are becoming too careful not to upset her, which can negatively affect how you approach the relationship and your life.

5.Too Many Criticisms

When a partner is controlling, she will criticize almost anything about you, such as how you dress or your career choice. What makes it worse is that these criticisms hurt your feelings.

You will notice this kind of behavior of someone controlling after being together for some time. This usually becomes apparent after the honeymoon stage, and your partner can see how much you love her.

In some cases, you might hear playful jokes or backhanded comments on how sensitive you are when she gives you her opinions. Still, you should note that there are healthy criticisms. These aim to improve your confidence and life.

For instance, a loving girlfriend will have a serious talk with you if she disapproves of your career choice. She will try to explain why it's not a good idea and do so based on your goals and aspirations.

On the other hand, a controlling partner won't even attempt to understand these and just put your choice down.

6.Feeling You Might End Up with a Co-Dependent Relationship

If you're with a controlling partner for a long time, you're more likely to end up having a co-dependent relationship.

If you were well-rounded and independent before, you might end up as someone who argues or fights a lot with his partner, constantly feels stressed, and walks on eggshells all the time. Simply put, you don't feel that you're growing because your partner controls how you grow in life.

Depending on the severity and the duration of your relationship, this co-dependency can be mild to extreme. If you believe you are experiencing this, you need to be careful about the harmful effects of this kind of relationship on your life.

Conclusion

Finally, you understand the different controlling behaviors you need to avoid when in a relationship. However, it would be best to remember that having a controlling partner doesn't mean your relationship is doomed.

There are many reasons for controlling behavior, such as previous trauma or unhappy childhoods. Still, as long as they can accept and is willing to improve their behavior, it can be resolved, and you can have a happier relationship.

Knowing these signs and discussing them with your partner can prevent your relationship from becoming miserable and toxic. However, it might be best to let a partner go if she's not open to the idea of making herself better.